Generally, an outsider is referred to a person who does not belong to a particular group but complex lives of complicated people ended up giving a different meaning to this word. Many a times, one feels as an outsider even if you have been living with someone since a long time. Why does it happen? Have you ever thought of it.
Most people would say it is related to one’s mindset or some say it’s a time phase. But, is it so? I don’t think it is related to either of these. A person is forced to feel as an “outsider” because of the ignorant, rude, or selfish behaviour of the other person or specific set of people. If someone says, it is related to mindset, that mindset of the other person is created by your unusual behaviour towards him/her.
Let’s take a common example of boyfriend-girlfriend relationship or a husband-wife relationship.
Think of the day you first met your girlfriend or wife, her first looks or voice or some specific quality took your breath away for a second that made you fall in love with her. Your behaviour with her was absolutely different then as compared to today. You may have tried making her comfortable conversing with her as much as you could, going out or spending time with her, giggling or laughing with her cracking jokes or talking to her what she likes. Why so? Now, you give priority to other things. The girl who was your first priority then is now expected to understand about your other priorities. Why now after a year or some months, you expect her to know or understand your differentiated behaviour. However, she understands you have other priorities too and are busy balancing work, life, family but never demands entire day of yours. She is still the same girl, may be grown in age, but the heart that used to beat for you is still the same. Like you, she is also balancing new people, new family, work, and may be children. It is not that she is unable to understand or it’s her mindest that makes her feel an outsider at your place, it is your changed behaviour that makes her feel so.
Let’s take another example.
What if post your marriage you are asked to stay with your in-laws and she doesn’t give you any special attention. She treats you just like other members of her family. As before her marriage, her parents are discussing important things with her least bothering about your opinion on it. Will you not feel as an outsider among your own new family? Will you still call it a mindest issue or time phase?
Think yourself to be in shoes of the person who thinks himself/herself to be an outsider. You will surely try to relate, analyse, and judge what is missing from my end that she/he is thinking like this. You will definitely get a solution to what things can be fixed or improved to make the other person not feel so. Your loved and cuddled behaviour can surely make the other person feel one of among you all.