Roller Coaster Rides of Life


November 2015

The Outsider

The Outsiders


Generally, an outsider is referred to a person who does not belong to a particular group but complex lives of complicated people ended up giving a different meaning to this word. Many a times, one feels as an outsider even if you have been living with someone since a long time. Why does it happen? Have you ever thought of it.

Most people would say it is related to one’s mindset or some say it’s a time phase. But, is it so? I don’t think it is related to either of these. A person is forced to feel as an “outsider” because of the ignorant, rude, or selfish behaviour of the other person or specific set of people. If someone says, it is related to mindset, that mindset of the other person is created by your unusual behaviour towards him/her.

Let’s take a common example of boyfriend-girlfriend relationship or a husband-wife relationship.

young couple

Think of the day you first met your girlfriend or wife, her first looks or voice or some specific quality took your breath away for a second that made you fall in love with her. Your behaviour with her was absolutely different then as compared to today. You may have tried making her comfortable conversing with her as much as you could, going out or spending time with her, giggling or laughing with her cracking jokes or talking to her what she likes. Why so? Now, you give priority to other things. The girl who was your first priority then is now expected to understand about your other priorities. Why now after a year or some months, you expect her to know or understand your differentiated behaviour. However, she understands you have other priorities too and are busy balancing work, life, family but never demands entire day of yours. She is still the same girl, may be grown in age, but the heart that used to beat for you is still the same. Like you, she is also balancing new people, new family, work, and may be children. It is not that she is unable to understand or it’s her mindest that makes her feel an outsider at your place, it is your changed behaviour that makes her feel so.

Let’s take another example.

sad man

What if post your marriage you are asked to stay with your in-laws and she doesn’t give you any special attention. She treats you just like other members of her family. As before her marriage, her parents are discussing important things with her least bothering about your opinion on it. Will you not feel as an outsider among your own new family? Will you still call it a mindest issue or time phase?

Think yourself to be in shoes of the person who thinks himself/herself to be an outsider. You will surely try to relate, analyse, and judge what is missing from my end that she/he is thinking like this. You will definitely get a solution to what things can be fixed or improved to make the other person not feel so. Your loved and cuddled behaviour can surely make the other person feel one of among you all.the end


The Great Pretender – A Manipulator

The Great Pretender

Commonly many people unknowkingly suffer from Imposter Syndrome. They think themselves to be confident enough to let the other down or manipulate them. They show and pretend as if they are the masters of the world having utmost experience in every field and can handle anything, anywhere, anytime efficiently; which actually is not the case.
I have come across many such people who say something else, are something else (i.e. a different personality than they show), and do utlimately something else and leave the person who trusts them surprised and shattered. It is a matter of over confidence that gets built in them as and when they get proved right for their wrong things/deeds. One of my known relative always use to project herself as an efficient lady who has been a great sufferer of miseries but never felt bad about anything. She use to narrate ‘n’ number of stories telling “I use to follow my elders blindly as they carry more experience, never use to talk to them in high pitch” and pretend calling up people in front of me showing that she likes to mingle up with family, relatives & people. She use to pretend as if people respect her to a level where they wish they get a chance to become family with her.
But when I stayed with her, the story was totally opposite. She was the one pretending to be very mature, logical and understanding to some of her loved ones to have a control/hold of everything. She pretended all this so that new people in the family follow the same rules she narrated regarding blindly following their elders and not uttering a word in front of them; as elder in this case was her. After my various interactions with other relatives and people, it showed in their eyes and expressions how much they respect her and think her to be perfect. They tend to avoid any converstaions with her to avoid her taunts or hurting comments with a fake smile on her face.
This is one such incident where she was a great pretender and actual reality was something else. The biggest punch of the story is that inspite of so many incidents that proved her wrong, she still thinks she was, is, will always be right and tries to show how much she cares about others (showing she does not have any advantage from a particular thing for which she is guiding, however, she will always have a hidden benefit).  Such experiences and instances prove how people suffering from Imposter Syndrome tend to achieve their selfish goals manipulating others.

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